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Week 43: Speak Identity and Blessing
Speak what is true in Christ before you coach what needs to grow.
QUESTION
Do your words help core friends and other men remember who they are in Christ… or mostly comment or advise on what he says, does, or lacks?
STORY
Three friends were huddling in their weekly conversation when Ryan admitted, “I feel like I’m failing as a husband and dad.”
Donnie almost jumped into coaching mode, but slowed down and said, “Man, Ryan. Those are hard feelings we face sometimes. But, can I tell you what I see in you? You’re a good man. You’re God’s adopted son, and He credits you with the good and righteous nature of Jesus. You’re not a failure. You’re a husband who cares a lot, and a dad who wants to learn, grow, and love his kids well. You’re a loyal friend and good man.”
Ryan got quiet. Those words didn’t erase his recent slips and mistakes. But they gave him the bigger picture and courage to face them. That conversation bolstered his identity and reminded him that Father God doesn’t beat him up. He will help him take one step at a time to listen, learn, and improve how he serves and loves at home.
Identity precedes the relationship with God and positive steps that follow.
SCRIPTURE
“You are my beloved Son; with you I am well pleased.” — Mark 1:11
“Encourage one another and build each other up.” — 1 Thessalonians 5:11
EXAMINE SELF
How do I usually speak to other men?
Do I mostly comment on behavior?
Do I mostly give advice?
Do I affirm performance more than identity?
Do I call out what Father God is forming in them?
QUOTE
“To bless is to speak God’s truth about a man’s identity before coaching his behavior.” — Jeff Kemp
TIP
Look beyond performance. Name the Christlike qualities and character you genuinely see.
Try:
“Here’s a good thing I see in you…”
“I see God building…”
“Here’s where I see Jesus at work in your life…”
Then encourage one next step.
PRAY, CONFESS & REPENT
Father, forgive me for speaking too quickly about performance and too little about identity. Help me see people the way You do and use my words to strengthen, encourage, and call them toward Jesus.
COACHING
Mutual discipleship is not correction-focused. It’s helping each other see and receive the Father’s truth about who we are in Christ as loved sons.
To bless a friend’s identity gives him courage for obedience. Men rise when trusted friends call out the son, brother, husband, father, and leader God is forming.
Correction has its place, but identity gives it a foundation.
A core friend reminds another man that he is God’s beloved son, then encourages him toward repentance, repair, and faithful next steps.
That’s not flattery. It’s speaking God’s truth in love.
ACTION STEP
Call or get with your core friend to affirm the godly and Jesus-like quality you see in him. A characteristic or quality deeper than performance. For example, “Here’s a real good thing in you…what I see God building in you…”
Pray a short man prayer for him, affirming that quality and asking God’s best for Him.
TALK & PRAY WITH FRIENDS
Ask: “What identity truth from God is hardest for you to believe?”
“What encouragement do you most need to hear today?”
Pray: “Father, help us receive who we are in Christ and become friends who speak blessing, life, courage, and truth into one another. Help us become more like Jesus together.”
COMMITMENT
I will speak identity before instruction and blessing before correction.
HABIT
Notice grace.
Name identity.
Bless specifically.
Encourage one next step.
Pray.
C3C TAKEAWAY
Identity comes before instruction.
Blessing gives courage for obedience.
Men rise when trusted friends remind them who they are in Christ.
Speak the Father’s blessing. Then help each other take the next step.
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